It's not easy being self confident all of the time. Self confidence is usually a learned skill that develops as you accomplish certain mini milestones or goals.
The more you reach the personal goals or targets you set for yourself, the more you prove to yourself your capabilities, and the more your self confidence grows to help you reach even greater milestones.
But what happens when things don't go according to plan or you experience some kind of set back or failure?
Life has a way of presenting unexpected challenges that can easily knock the wind out of your sails and lower your self confidence.
The truth is that very few people are naturally born with an abundant self confidence that is never tested. Being self confident generally results from becoming proficient or skilled in a certain area of your life, but even more so, as you're able to overcome the inevitable set backs and challenges that life throws your way.
There's no better way of cultivating life-long self confidence than by putting yourself in front of challenging tasks on a regular basis. Whether it be a personal goal, physical challenge, new venture, learning a new skill, or stepping into your true purpose, when you constantly take on mini challenges you will ultimately build self confidence.
And even if you don't always accomplish what you set out to achieve, there is very powerful spin-off effect on your self confidence that comes from the learning you gain.
Here, we break down five key attributes that are useful for developing the right mindset, that can help you to create momentum in any area you choose and build greater self confidence.
1. Embrace Your Flaws
We are all unique and have our own individual strengths, weaknesses. In other words, no one is perfect and in fact everyone has flaws.
However, rather than view your flaws as a weakness, why not embrace them as part of your whole uniqueness and then concentrate your energy on the things that make you great.
Where your focus goes your energy flows. Therefore, it's important to spend your time focussing on the positives rather than beating yourself down.
Also, what you think are your “flaws” may actually be things that others love about you. For example, someone who thinks of themselves as shy, stubborn or controlling, may be seen by someone else as being vulnerable, self-assured or protective.
So long as your flaws don't harm you or others, what you see as flaws in your body or character can be turned into a positive.
Of course, if it is a genuine harmful flaw that you know you can do something about, then you always have the option of making a positive change for the better too!
Remember, life is not about being perfect. If you chase perfection you will end up stressed, anxious and exhausted. Far better to simply focus on being the best version of yourself and don't sweat the personality or physical traits that are less than perfect but that are still part of the whole you.
2. Value Yourself
One of the key secrets to building confidence, is learning to value yourself as someone that matters and has something to offer the world.
Be clear on your strengths, skills and attributes and give mental and emotional appreciation to yourself for those things.
Don't be afraid to take a chance, to back yourself or to throw your hat in the ring. Whether it be your job or a business project, social group, personal goal or relationship, valuing yourself can help bring the best of you and your uniqueness to any situation.
Be your own greatest fan and acknowledge any achievements you make along the way.
A good habit is to write down or bring into your conscious mind, 1 or 2 things you've achieved in your life where you either surprised yourself or made yourself or someone close to you proud.
Remember those moments because they remind you of what you're capable of. Also, if someone compliments you, accept it with grace and warmth, rather than deflecting it, which can be a hard habit to break. However, if you’re truly valuing yourself, a compliment should something you accept and value as well.
3. Set Small Goals and Commit To Them
Sometimes building confidence is simply about gaining a small amount of momentum in a certain area of life that may be lagging for you. And often that means breaking things down into small manageable steps or bite-sized pieces.
It's tough to build momentum if the goal is too big or when you're using failure as a base.
So, the trick is to start with smaller goals and to move towards them with action steps, clarity and confidence. And as you strike off those mini milestones or targets, compliment or reward yourself on those achievements.
For example, if your goal is to lose 20 kilos, why not break this goal down into smaller incremental steps.
Fore example: Set a goal is to lose 5 kilos in 8 weeks as a starting point. Then ask yourself what are the manageable steps to get there, such as...
- Step #1 get out of bed consistently every morning 1 hour earlier than normal to get your body moving
- Step #2 schedule 45 minutes of resistance training or exercise 2-3 times per week to stimulate muscles that help your body burn fat
- Step #3 commit to increasing your water intake to 2-4 litres per day
- Step #4 clean up your diet by committing to 80% fresh plant foods that are locally sourced and in season.
You get the idea...
The point is, that results build confidence.
So it is really important to break those bigger goals down down to smaller targets which are more achievable in the short term. When you do this you create momentum and feel good within yourself that the task is manageable because you notice progress.
The problem is, when targets are too lofty they are difficult to achieve from a standing start and can easily overwhelm or discourage you.
By breaking down your goals into smaller steps, you will see how attainable they can really be, which in turn will help you to cultivate greater self confidence and a success mindset in many areas of your life.
4. Be Prepared
When it comes to building confidence, preparation is important.
In other words, in a constantly changing world, a preparedness mindset will help you to take things more in your stride which breeds great self confidence.
When you're unprepared in your physical mental and financial health, you can easily be caught off guard and find it difficult to adjust when an unexpected crises appears.
Treat life like an ongoing marathon that you should constantly train and be prepared for and you will become super resilient and self confident.
Unfortunately, most people go through life largely dependent on others, such as their employer or the government. But what happens in a time of crises or unexpected change?
A fully dependent or unprepared individual will find it difficult to adjust and to be suddenly independent or self-sufficient if they have not cultivated a preparedness mindset.
When it comes to preparation, the best place to start is with your physical body. Eat a healthy diet and stay physically active to help build resilience and strength. Next, take a close look at your social circle to ensure you're around positive people who share similar interests and values.
When it comes to being prepared and building self confidence, your finances are also very important. Consider ways you can be smarter with your money in terms of building your income, saving, investing and protecting your assets. Having a plan around all of this is a great key to building ongoing self confidence and being prepared for almost anything.
5. Pretend Confidence If You Don't Have It
You've heard the saying, "Fake it until you make it".
If you lack confidence, at least try and act confident until you are.
Stand up tall, smile and look people in the eye as a starting point. Quietly say to yourself, "I can do this" and even start a conversation with a stranger in the supermarket!
Open a door for someone or allow a motorist to take a parking spot that you've been waiting for or have your eye on.
There are many little tricks you can practice in your day that can help you to build more self confidence until you actually become self confident!
Sometimes, other people's stories of overcoming adversity to become self confident or successful can be a source of inspiration. Certain social media channels, books and audio books can be a great source of these stories that can help spark greater belief and self confidence in you.
3 Extra Every Day Tips For Building Greater Self Confidence -
1. Good Posture: In any public environment, stand up tall, put your shoulders back and hold your head high. You will look and feel so much better about yourself and you’ll appear self confident.
2. Make Eye Contact: Try to avoid looking at the floor and instead make eye contact with people you come across, from the supermarket to important meetings.
Eye contact is a lost skill that is one of the simplest ways to appear genuine, assured and to create and portray great self confidence.
3. Clear Voice: Your voice can be an instant giveaway regarding your level of self confidence.
Try to be articulate and clear when you speak and to avoid mono tone and lots of “ums” and “ahs”. Listen to others you're communicating with and take a pause before you speak to really think through what you’re going to say.
Your voice has a big influence on your self confidence so practice talking and having intelligent conversations as often as you can.
The Main Takeaway
Self Confidence is an attribute we all need at different stages of life but it can easily be lost when things don't go according to plan.
If you lack self confidence, a good first step is to remember times in the past when you were confident or when you surprised yourself and made yourself proud.
Think about your state of mind and your environment that helped you feel self confident at that time and try to replicate that as best you can.
Realise that being self confident all of the time takes a positive perspective and mindset. And it may require you to become inspired and to rewire your thinking around confidence.
Start by following the steps shared with you here and you'll go a long way to cultivating success and greater self confidence throughout your life even when things don't go to plan.
Tolman Self Care.